Wednesday, September 18, 2013

somewhere today I listened to a pastor talking about gratitude and
 finding it in the most distressing circumstances. Let your choice
 be gratitude even if you are confronted with death in any way.
So he said. Well, today is the beginning of a 'new life' for my family.
We have just had some devastating news concerning my husband's
health or ill health and it could not really be worse. I fail to find gratitude.
 Not even a tiny bit of it. This year has been a lousy one all starting off
 in January with a very bad fall when I broke my lower vertebraes and
 could not move for months. And slowly, as I was recovering, I was told
 that I needed major surgery. My third one replacing my left hip called a
 'revision'. I am still recovering though it's not a fast recovery this time.
My surgeon is now sending me to rehab to improve the movement of the
 joint. And if that is not enough, yesterday topped it all. And I definitely
do not feel grateful. I feel angry just like I did when I had my first child.
A son. And lost him. The same kind of anger. And yet there are millions
 of people out there that are far worse off. I know that. I don't need to be
 told it and it does not make me feel better. Whining and kicking makes
me feel better though the kicking part might be rather impossible since I
 can't kick with my leg right now.....
anyway, I felt like venting and just hope you understand.


4 comments:

DogArtist said...

It is good to vent your feelings and then maybe the gratitude comes in. But it takes a long time I am sure. Honestly? I got a laugh out of the fact you joked about kicking...that seems just like you!

Anonymous said...

God bless you dear Sabina! I've been so wrapped up in my own "stuff" that I've lost touch with those, such a you, whose brief cyber contacts were special to me. You apparently have been going through much pain, so I will again keep you in my prayers. I see your thoughts on gratitude are spot on :) The more I remember to be grateful, the less time I have to be critical: they cannot occupy your heart at the same time. Right? Warmest wishes too, for you on your mending path, {{{hugz}}} Pam aka RambleOn & Scrapper2009

Pam said...

God bless you dear Sabina! I've been so wrapped up in my own "stuff" that I've lost touch with those, such a you, whose brief cyber contacts were special to me. You apparently have been going through much pain, so I will again keep you in my prayers. I see your thoughts on gratitude are spot on :) The more I remember to be grateful, the less time I have to be critical: they cannot occupy your heart at the same time. Right? Warmest wishes too, for you on your mending path, {{{hugz}}} Pam aka RambleOn & Scrapper2009

Jeannette said...

Aaah, do we not all feel for ourselves the most, isn't it just natural! Nothing wrong with wining and kicking if it makes you feel better. Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself every now and again! I think we all do!!
I do wonder though, how things are going for you now. This post is almost a month ago, so I can only hope you can deal with all that is coming on your path! Wishing you the best, thinking of you,
hugs Jeannette